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The Struggles of Vulnerability

I hate how a woman’s (or man’s) vulnerability is viewed as weakness. As a woman, if you’re not vulnerable enough, you’re called too masculine, hard, bitter, and whatever other synonyms. If you’re too vulnerable, you’re viewed as needy and desperate or “weak” and easy prey.

I am constantly on a quest for balance. I have been the girl who was callous hearted and extremely overprotective of my heart. I hid my emotions and tried to be more masculine as a means of protecting myself, which in the end, only came back to bite me. On the opposite end of the spectrum, I tried being honest and vocal, sharing my thoughts and emotions, thinking that my honesty would be the best policy, only to end up being somewhat taken advantage of. I say somewhat taken advantage of because I’ve always been quick to cut bull crap off.

It’s hard enough being a woman having to deal with hormonal mood swings, emotions, past heartache, and pain. It’s hard enough trying to be confident and loving but also stern and wise, while using trying to use discernment to figure out who really cares or who is just trying to use us.

I understand men deal with some of those same issues. As humans, we crave and need love and companionship whether we want to admit it or not. We put on this facade of hardness because nobody wants to be used and taken advantage of, but it gets so tiring.

Sometimes you just want a real best friend who you know at your core is not going to ever turn their back on you. I understand that’s expecting too much from humans, because we all want what’s best for self…and of course “self preservation is the first law of nature.” We really can’t fault each other for protecting ourselves but sometimes we just want to let this guard down and just be free to love while not being taken advantage of. I understand that in order to receive, one must also give, but how much does a person really have to give in order to get reciprocate even a portion of what they are giving?

Personally, I will continue to be vulnerable as I am lead. Don’t get it twisted, I keep my guard high, but I don’t have the energy to be callused and hard anymore. I just want to love, period, whether that be a friend, family, lover, or occasionally foe. Those who are intended to genuinely receive my love will understand what I am giving and will themselves grow because of it. I can’t suppress who I am as an individual because of the flaws of other human beings. We ALL need love. And I choose to be vulnerable because I can’t truly love any other way.

One thing I often tell myself is:

For the wrong one, vulnerability is a weakness. For the right one, vulnerability is strength.

So if the vulnerability isn’t appreciated or reciprocated, I might just be vulnerable to the wrong individual. But I can definitely attest that you get what you give. I will continue to put that love into the atmosphere because I’m 100% sure I will receive the same….even if it’s later than I initially hoped.

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