Yes, I feel some type of way, and yes it hurts. Yes, I wanted and tried to do things on my own–repeatedly. Yes I tried to circumvent His way and shortcut my own. And He allowed me to experience the emptiness and vanity of it all. I’ve known I can’t do life without Him, but I started to forget and doubt. I need GOD every breathe of my life. Without Him, I am nothing. I’m so glad that the responsibility of being “perfect” is not on me. It’s only through Christ that I can do anything and am righteous.
In all honesty, I can’t even complain. Mistakes of the last 2.5 years have been growing me and showing me how I can only rely and put my hope in Him. It has been a painful but necessary reminder of how much I need Him. He has truly been working on my heart and uprooting seeds of bitterness, wickedness, jealousy, insecurity, doubt, fear, amongst other things. Whatever it takes to purge me of everything that’s not of Him, I’m HERE for it. I am His daughter, and I am so glad He has kept His hand and love on me and has never left nor forsaken me even in the midst of these mistakes.
Today, I am reminded of Romans 8:28-30 & Philippians 2.
Thank You for convicting us to repentance. Continue to make and mold us into the people You’ve created us to be. Thank You for Your love, grace, peace, mercy, forgiveness, widsom, knowledge, and understanding.