I Need You To Survive


I’ve gone through life for many years with the thought process of not needing anyone. I come from a single parent household, my mom did her best and was constantly at work. My father was not a prominent figure in my life. I witnessed the closest people around me not following through, not sticking to their word, or intentionally/unintentionally not caring about what should have been. In the midst of all of that, I try not to complain too much because Ive experienced a much better life than many others, but I’ve recently come to a realization that I really have some trust & abandonment issues.
I expect the people I encounter and befriend to be untrustworthy, to not fulfill their end of the bargain in my life, and to walk out on me when I feel I need them most. I sometimes live by the thought of if my dad could walk out on me, if “best friends” can walk away from me, who else can I trust? Why should I trust people? Many days I’d rather be alone than be around people because of “how people are.” I don’t want to get too close to people who have the potential to help me grow due to fear of being used, hindered, or backstabbed.

This is not a healthy form of living and thinking, and I realize that. Many times, I and others have been guilty of saying “I don’t neeeeed nobody else. I don’t neeeeed people,” which in essence is true because we are to rely on God and put our trust in no man (I am a Christian).  But when that line of thinking is coming from a bitter place, we forget that God places people in our lives for us to love on and for them to help us grow as (wo)men. A lot of us ruin great relationships by holding on to past hurts. We so deeply feel that we don’t need anyone…But God places certain people in our lives, if only for a season, to help build us. Some people are help in preparing our way, others are our Judas’ secretly plotting against us. Even then, these people come into our lives because God wants to grow us and sometimes open our eyes to ourselves.

As much as I hate to admit it, I NEED people. Not in a sense like I truly NEED God. As a human, I thrive off of love, genuine friendships, honest conversations, and bouncing ideas with like minded inviduals. Every aspect of my life involves some level of dependency upon those around me, whether it be my family helping with my son, coworkers to get a job done, people making sure super market ailses stay stocked, and those who grow my food. I go to doctors when I am sick, I ask for help when lost. These things involve living in harmony with other humans…That I need…that we need in a healthy manner.

That isn’t to say I am to place my trust in man. My trust is in God, and I trust God to lead me in any situation and relationship, and knows that He gives me the knowledge to know when to hold on and to know when to move on. It’s not selfish to love yourself and know who are you are in Christ. You have to give and love from a full cup. You can’t do that if are too busy mad and bitter at people that you don’t have room to actually love people the way God commanded. Our views of each other are so distorted by the ways of the world. We often forget that we are all flawed. Many of the things we feel about people, others may feel or have felt those same things about us.

Let us continue to grow and trust God, be wise & guard our hearts (not be bitter), show mercy & grace when applicable, not be so antipeople, and actually love one another

With love,

Author: Nikki

www.nikkidope.com

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